And the Things I Can Carry on Mulberry Street
When I leave home to walk to school,
Dad always says to me,
“Make sure your Palm is in your hand
and clean the LCD.”

But a Pilot, you see,
Doesn’t cut it for me.

I need my own notebook, one fast as a fox,
With one gig of RAM and another of OX.
A notebook with WiFi, now that would be sweet!
I could surf on the Web and walk Mulberry Street.

But this notebook of mine, it must have DVD,
So I can watch movies that Dad buys for me,
With very loud speakers that roar like a rocket,
But small, so that six of them fit in my pocket.
When my walk’s in surround sound, it will be quite a treat,
For all the good listeners on Mulberry Street.

I’ll need more than a notebook and Palm, if you please.
I must have a small gadget that plays .MP3s.
And not some cheap knockoff that folks will find odd,
But one built by Apple named after a pod,
With a hundred-gig hard drive—now that would be regal!
To hold all I took before Napster was legal.
My legs, they would move to a bumpity beat,
As I walked with my earbuds on Mulberry Street.

A camera so small it would fit in my nose,
Shoots nine megapixels now, more as it grows.
With a zoom lens so strong, if I chose, then I could
Take photos of flies at the top of Mount Hood.
A portable printer? Well, really, why not?
I could print out my photos right there on the spot.
A laptop! A printer! As I walk to school,
I must have each one—and to haul them, a mule.
All this wonderful gear—that would really be sweet!
But I just have this Palm here on Mulberry Street.

Norton Hears No Who
On the fifteenth of May, in an office so wide,
In the heat of the day, air-conditioned inside,
He was smug, for his market share grew every year,
When Norton the elephant chose not to hear.

He could hear lots of things, be they fishes or quails,
Or the shockingest curses of impolite snails.
Just complaints he could hear not, from next door or Cyrus,
If they came from a Who using his antivirus.
And just such a Who said in words not too cunning,
“I can’t open programs when Norton is running.
I cannot open Outlook, my mail to go through it,
Or programs by Dantz, or Adobe, or Intuit.
Now all this stuff works if your program is off.”
Norton yawned, then he gave just the smallest, light cough.

Another Who called, sounded barely alive,
He had just bought the upgrade to two-oh-oh-five.
“I tried to install it, that’s what I must do,
But it says I must first remove two-oh-oh-two.
So I launched Uninstall, and guess what I did see?
That’s right. Error message two-six-three-eight-B.
I’m stuck with a task that I just cannot do:
To remove the old Norton and install the new.”

So Norton the elephant sat with a smile,
And thought about life on a tropical isle.
If the Whos needed help, he’d bring in a good haul,
He would listen for just thirty dollars a call.

The Desktop and the Notebook
The desktop computer is a sorrowful sight,
It’s stuck to the desk, and can never take flight.
Weighs more than six drummers, just flown in from France;
More cords in the back than some corduroy pants.
Its mouse is an expert at gathering dirt,
And the keyboard’s so wide it could eat your dessert.
The space it takes up! Why, it’s bigger than Hugh,
And you can’t fold it up and then take it with you.

The notebook, by contrast, is small and compact.
It’s all in one piece, and I hope its intact.
It can ride in your car, on the bus, on your bike.
Drop it just once, buy another you like.
The power it packs in that case is uncanny,
With speeds just as fast as your grandpa’s Aunt Fanny.
All your files in one place and it will not get lost!
Full half of the power! Just two times the cost!

Green Eggs and Spam
I am Scam
I AM Scam
Scam I am

That Scam-I-Am! That Scam-I-Am! I do not like that Scam-I-Am!

Do you like to download spam?

I do not like it, Scam-I-Am!

Do you like the way it will
Quickly make your inbox fill?
Do you like it on papyrus?
Would you like it with a virus?

I do not like to download spam.
I do not like it, Scam-I-Am!

Would you like to not be fat?
To with a naked lady chat?
Act now! Quickly! Do not think!
I can make your mortgage shrink.

I do not like to download spam.
I do not like it, Scam-I-Am!

Would you like to print your checks?
Would you like much better sex?
Would you like some pictures lewd?
Woody Allen in the nude?

I do not like to download spam.
I do not like it, Scam-I-Am!

Would you like to be thought cool?
Would you like a bigger tool?
Cheaper drugs you should not scorn.
Do you like illegal porn?
Come now, it’s not really hard
To type the numbers on your card.

I do not like to download spam.
I do not like it, Scam-I-Am!

You do not like it, says your voice,
I’ll send it still; it’s not your choice.

Yes, I guess I’ll download spam.
Curse you! Curse you, Scam-I-Am!

© Copyright 2005 by Lincoln Spector