How prevalent is spyware? Some estimates claim that there are over 10,000 new spyware infections a month. That's per computer—20,000 if the computer is used by a teenager.

To help you better understand this threat, here are some of the most common spyware programs:

Grator: This ingenious program enters PCs in a particularly sneaky way: Users install it. Once there, Grator displays targeted advertising every time you visit a web page. Also when you move a file, launch Notepad, or click the Start menu. Luckily, you can uninstall Grator any time you're willing to suffer a lawsuit for violating the program's EULA.

Searchyershelf: Has a web site ever asked if you want to make it your home page? Click "No" and Searchyershelf may become your home page, instead. It may also become your search page, history page, and the front page of your daily newspaper. As a search engine, Searchyershelf is remarkably fast, primarily because each search result points to Searchyershelf. This browser plug-in comes with an uninstaller that efficiently and effectively removes Microsoft Word.

Keylager: Most people catch this binary infection through a simple mistake: They turn on their computer. Keylager records everything you do on your PC—the sites you visit, the personal e-mail you send and receive, even the frustrated key poundings after a Windows crash. It then sends this information to secret locations in Eastern Europe, where it is examined by cyber criminals with a high tolerance for boredom. Removing Keylager involves editing 7,538 Registry entries, reformatting your hard drive, and buying a new computer.

Modem Operandi: This typical dialer program secretly changes your dial-up Internet connection to use a charge-per-minute 900 number. (An earlier variation used a toll-free 800 number, but as a crime that proved unprofitable.) If you've graduated from dial-up to a cable Internet connection, Modem Operandi will give you, and bill you for, unwanted premium channels.

MacHac: This devastatingly destructive program is one of the few that ignores Windows PCs and exclusively targets Macintoshes. A not-for-profit malicious program, MacHac appears to have been created by a group of PC users who had grown sick and tired of Mac fanatics' superior smirks.

Safe Hex
Now that you understand what you're up against, here are some suggestions for protecting yourself:

• Avoid Suspect Web Sites. All you need do to get infected is visit the wrong page. But what pages are these? Conventional wisdom states that pornography sites are particularly dangerous, but recent research suggests otherwise. In an exhaustive and completely open survey of over 300 married men with infected computers (you can read the names of the participants online), one hundred percent confirmed that they have never visited a porn site. The new wisdom is to avoid any site whose URL ends in .net, .edu, .org, .gov, or .com.
• Be Suspicious of E-mail. Most users today know not to buy drugs from a company that can't spell Viagra. But you need to be more vigilant than that. Any e-mail coming from an address you don't recognize should be immediately deleted, unopened. If you do recognize the sender, respond with your own message warning them of dire consequences if they ever write to you again.
• Disable Your Internet Connection. Not only will this remove virtually all avenues to infection, but according to the latest studies, it will probably result in a 95 percent increase in productivity.
• Get Rid of Your Computer. True, this action won't improve your productivity, but it will have a very positive impact on the quality of your life.

Softer Wares
Not everyone can follow the practices described above, but have no fear. There are plenty of anti-spyware programs available for those who just must have their computer. Download and install just one of these programs, and your chances of getting infected will drop below Absolutely Certain. Download and install all of them, and it could get down to Maybe Not.

AdUnderwear: This popular freebie goes right into action the moment you load it, telling you to upgrade. After you've downloaded the upgrade, uninstalled the old version, rebooted, installed the new one, and rebooted again, it tells you that a new, absolutely vital upgrade is now available.

SpyButt: Another popular freebie, SpyButt is known for its exhaustive thoroughness. In addition to finding programs like Keylager and Searchyershelf, it lists every cookie in your browser, every e-mail that contains HTML code, and every file with a suspicious extension (such as .mp3 and .jpg). It then destroys all suspicious objects—including your mouse.

Microsoft Extremely Generic Name Eternal Beta: The Redmond giant is hoping to one day make a fortune with this free spyware fighter. Running in the background, it blocks all suspicious actions committed by Eudora, FireFox, and other Microsoft competitors. It's important to remember, however, that this is an unsupported beta program, and is likely to remain so until Hell freezes over.

SpyDisMember: Run SpyDisMember's free online scanning tool and we guarantee that it will find something wrong on your system—even if it's just the presence of Notepad. But you'll have to buy and install SpyDisMember to actually remove the vicious program. Unlike its competitors, SpyDisMember tracks your computer use, pops up unwanted advertising, and interferes with productive work. On a positive note, it disables all other anti-spyware programs.

© Copyright 2005 by Lincoln Spector