Where would we be without USB? Probably using eSATA and getting much better throughput.

On the other hand, if we didn’t have USB, I’d have to find another way to fill this column. Luckily, we have it, so here’s nine things you can do with a USB flash drive:

Sneakernet: Ever have a file on one computer that you need on another? Try this solution: Insert your flash drive into the computer already containing the file, and wait until something happens. That something will, hopefully, be a window into the thumbdrive’s contents. Drag the file in question from your hard drive to the removable media. Unplug the flash drive in as safe a manner as you happen to remember, then, clutching the drive firmly in your fist, walk to the computer not yet containing the file. Plug in the flash drive, wait for the window to come up, and drag the file to a new location. Isn’t technology wonderful? You just copied a file from one computer to another in only a thousand fractions of the time it would take via Ethernet.

Go with the Fashion: Nothing says trendy, with-it, and hopelessly nerdy like a USB flash drive hanging around your neck. It makes you a person on the go, a guy or gal with important information at your fingertips (or your neckline), and someone hip to the latest fashions of 2002. But if you want to make a real fashion statement, buy a drive that matches your personality--maybe one with your alma mater’s logo, or a cool, blue, glowing light, or, for the ultimate in hipness, Mickey Mouse.

Your Favorite Photos Everywhere: Ever get the urge to look at your favorite photographs wherever you may be? You can always run into a public library, but many of them today put special “parental control” software on their computers to block your favorite photo sites. So carry your photos at all times on a USB flash drive. When you feel the urge to study their educational content, simply go to the library and plug in the drive. Not only can you peruse these classic images yourself, but you’re bound to attract admirers. But be warned: If you lose your thumbdrive, especially in the vicinity of a school, don’t expect to get it back.

Pass Along Your Passwords: Ever sit down at a stranger’s computer and try to access a favorite password-protected site? That’s always the time you can’t remember the password (hint: it’s not “*********”). What’s the solution? Save all of your favorite logon names and passwords in a simple text file on a USB drive. If you object to the one minor inconvenience of this system--that anyone who gets their hands on your drive can take your credit cards on an Amazon.com shopping spree--buy yourself a secure, password-protected flash drive. And as a precaution against your forgetting that password, make sure you enter it into a text file on the flashdrive.

Turn Any Computer into Your Computer: Tired of lugging around a laptop? Replace it with a flash drive enabled with U3.1416, move your data to the thumbdrive, then buy and install U3.1416 versions of the programs you’re already using (if a U3.1416 version of a program isn’t available, simply change your work habits). Finally, import to the thumbdrive all of your email settings, Web shortcuts, and spyware infections. When you plug your flash drive into another Windows computer, the PC will become an exact replica of your own computer--except slower. When you remove the drive, the computer will return to something like its original state, with no trace of your having been there aside from a few dozen boot-time error messages. When you return to your own PC and plug in the thumbdrive, you’ll be able to either easily synchronize the files between your hard drive and the portable environment, of find this synchronization impossibly difficult.

Store Your Pictures on the Road: You’re on holiday, the flash drive in your camera is filling up fast, and you won’t be near your computer for weeks. Simply offload your photos from your camera to a convenient USB flash drive by plugging the camera into the flash drive via a…Okay, offload your photos to a flash drive by removing the camera’s memory card and sticking it in…Look, just transfer the photos to your computer in the usual way, than copy them to your flash drive and they’ll be safe until you can get home and can put them onto your computer.

Give Windows Vista More RAM: Everyone knows you can speed up a Windows computer by giving it more RAM. The reason is simple: RAM is faster than a hard drive. Thanks to Vista’s ReadyBoost feature, adding more RAM is as simple as plugging in a flash drive, running the wizard, going out to buy a faster flash drive because ReadyBoost rejected the old one, and starting over again. But once you get it going, your PC will be measurably faster than before--providing you limit its use to those tasks for which a flash drive and USB is faster a hard drive and SATA. One common such task is inserting a flash drive.

Backup: Your 160GB hard drive must be brimming with vital data you can’t afford to lose. Protect yourself every few months by copying its entire contents onto a 500MB flash drive. If that proves insufficient, buy another 319 flash drives.

Christmas Tree Decorations: Come December, hang multicolored flash drives from the boughs of your tree for a festive yet modern holiday season.

© Copyright 2007 by Lincoln Spector