A: Yanking the plug is a perfectly good way to turn off most electrical appliances. I know at least three dentists who use this technique to shut down their drills. But pulling the plug on a computer can be dangerous, as it will almost certainly crash Windows.

Here’s what you can do to minimize the effect of these crashes: First, close all of your applications, saving all data files. Then back up your entire hard drive onto a tape. Copy the files user.dat and system.dat to floppies; if they don’t fit, make them. To be extra sure, use DEBUG to copy the contents of your drive, sector by sector, to another hard drive.

Now you’re ready to unplug your computer. But be forewarned that yanking the cord puts undo stress on the outermost prongs. I recommend using bolt cutters.

A: Windows 95 runs fine in 32MB of RAM. In fact, it runs fine in 4MB of RAM--so long as you don’t try to actually do anything.

A: Try cleaning it. If that doesn’t work, select a wallpaper that effectively camouflages the dots. Avoid putting important data where the dots are.

A: No one knows. It’s believed they were created by tech support specialists who ran out of reasons to explain why your new sound card wasn’t working. Just ignore them and they’ll go away.

A: Don’t upgrade your hard drive. It’s much easier to buy a new one and install it in your computer. Here’s how:

First, unplug your computer, monitor, and printer. To be extra safe, go to the circuit breaker and turn off your building’s electricity.

With a flashlight in hand, open your computer. Put a diskette into the floppy drive, and a CD into the CD-ROM drive. The drive you have left is the hard drive. (Inserting a CD may involve electricity, requiring you to turn your power back on. Remember to turn it off again when you are through.) Carefully remove the old hard drive. If it doesn’t slide out easily, pull hard. If it still won’t come, unplug it and remove the screws. Gently lower it into your garbage disposal.

Plug in the new drive, turn on your monitor and computer, reinstall Windows and your applications, and retype all of your data. Don’t forget to turn on the electricity.

A: The important thing is to make sure that your URL, such as www.dnai.com/~lincoln, is seen by as many people as possible. Banner ads on other Web sites, billboards, and radio commercials have all proved effective, especially if they say something short and snappy, like www.dnai.com/~lincoln. One effective technique is to use a catchy phrase; I recommend "Whatever you might be thinkin’, go to www.dnai.com/~lincoln.

A: For his next birthday, buy him a 14.4Kbps modem.

A: Of course. I don’t know what word processor you use, so I’m giving you instructions for Windows Notepad.

Launch Notepad. Tab to the center of the first line and type "General Ledger." Hit Enter twice.

Now it’s time to enter in your first transaction. Start with an item description--say, "Vodka." Tab to almost the right edge of the window, and type in the amount you’ve just spent on the investment described. Hit Tab one more time, and enter the total of all expenses so far. With the first entry, the two numbers will be identical. After that, you’ll want to keep a calculator handy.

Keep similar files for accounts payable, receivable, etc. When a change in one effects the others, delete all of the files and start over again.

Notepad isn’t really the best tool for either line or pie charts, but with a little imagination it can work. Try rows of asterisks or, for pie charts, spell out such words as cherry or pumpkin.

© Copyright 1998 by Lincoln Spector