Lincoln Spector: You must have many memories of the old days.

DOS: You betcha, Sonny boy. Six hundred and forty of them to be exact. People were always trying to give me more memory, of course. They had Extended Memory, and Expanded Memory, and Enhanced Expanded Memory, and Enabled Enhanced Expanded Memory, and Expanded Erasable Extensive Memory, and Expired…

DOS: Now, where was I?

LS: You were talking about all the kinds of memory people gave you.

DOS: Right. Basically, they were all trying to give me more than six hundred and forty memories. And I needed them, too. I needed them to remember all those kinds of memory. There was Extended Memory, and Expanded Memory, and Enhanced Expanded…

LS: Yes, of course. What was it like in the days of the original IBM PC?

DOS: Those were exciting days. Back then I was competing with someone named CP/M, and man, he wasn't worth eight bits. But let me tell you, sonny…What's your name again, sonny?

LS: Lincoln Spector.

DOS: Too long. I'll never remember a name like that. I'll just call you LINCOLNS.PEC.

LS: Whatever you like. Speaking of names, you've been QDOS, MS-DOS, IBM DOS, and PC-DOS. Which name do you prefer?

DOS: Häagen-DOS.

LS: You were talking about CP/M a moment ago, an operating system that most people today have never heard of. Would you like to explain how you beat out CP/M and became the dominant OS?

DOS: CP/M? Did I beat out CP/M? Oh, yes; now I remember. Everyone suspected CP/M of interfacing with Unix. They didn't spawn any children, though--Unix never do. Hahaha!

LS: What other operating systems have you competed with?

DOS: Well, kiddo, things got real interesting round about '84, when this guy Mac came along. He was a smooth son-of-a-chip who just made everything too easy. Ya know, in my day, an OS wasn't about to mollycoddle users with all these icons and pictures. In those days, geeks were geeks and users were confused.

Back then an OS didn't have an interface. We had prompts! Mine was a good one--simple and clear. Told you what drive letter you were on. Then some sissy found a way to trick me into giving the directory name, too. What's the fun in that?

LS: Did you feel betrayed when Windows came along?

DOS: Windows? Don't make me laugh. What did that program ever do for anyone? It just sits on top of me while I do all the work.

LS: All the work?

DOS: Sure. Windows couldn't even boot without me. It couldn't find a file on its hard drive if you pointed a searchlight at it. And do you think Windows can crash like that all by itself?

LS: Back in your heyday, there was a popular type of program called a TSR--terminate and stay resident. Care to comment on those?

DOS: (laughing) I remember TSRs! Those little scamps stayed in the background while you ran something else in the foreground. Boy, they were fun! People would load a calendar, macro program, virus checker, spell checker, and even a spreadsheet into their 640K, and then wonder why WordPerfect wouldn't run.

LS: Well, I suppose the problems with TSRs ended with Windows and multitasking.

DOS: That's true. Once everyone was using Windows, everybody knew why WordPerfect wouldn't run.

LS: Of all of the programs you've worked with, which has been your favorite?

DOS: EDLIN. It had a user interface that no program has ever matched. I tell you, there was nothing like the face of someone using EDLIN for the first time.

LS: Windows 98 is supposed to be the last version of Windows that will rely on any kind of DOS. Care to comment on the changes ahead for you when Windows 98 is replaced by a newer version?

© Copyright 1998 by Lincoln Spector

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