Last month saw the release of Apple Computer’s phenomenal new computer, the oyMac. With it’s revolutionary form, housing the CPU, monitor, keyboard, and mouse within one transparent, 3-foot-wide globe, the oyMacs aren’t staying put. According to one store manager, "They’re just rolling off the shelves."

What truly makes the oyMac unique is the price. At $999.99, this is Apple’s first offering under $1,000, and is designed to compete with low-end Windows PCs costing $600-$700. "Now there’s no reason for anyone in the world to buy Windoze," enthused one shopper. "Face it--in three months there won’t be a Microsoft."

And what do you get for $999.99? Style. Pizzazz. A tool in your office that will make you the hit of parties and impress the opposite sex. A personal computer that says "Hey, I’m with it, cool, and now." Really--it says that every time you boot.

You also get a blazingly fast 166MHz PowerPeeWee GWiz processor. According to Apple Interim-President-for-Life Steve Jobs, the GWiz performs at twice the speed of an Intel Tedium II-450, "especially on the test where we ask it to find the word PowerPeeWee in the chip’s own copyright code. But that’s not the only test it excelled in. When we ran 3D graphics through it, the GWiz literally screamed!"

Independent tests support Jobs’ claims. Although the GWiz didn’t handle 3D graphics quite as fast as a 486, the sound was unmistakable.

The oyMac’s built-in keyboard is another major innovation. Sealed within the transparent globe, it’s entirely protected from dirt, grease, and fingerprints.

Lack of Drive
In a daring innovation, the oyMac comes without floppy, CD-ROM, or hard drive. "This is an entirely connected machine," brags Jobs. "You can download applications and games, download files from friends, download your data, even run programs from the Internet. People with drive don’t need drives anymore."

To help these driven, driveless people get connected, the oyMac comes with a built-in 5.6Kbps modem. More impressively, it comes with a cable modem, although one built to some unique specifications. "There are too many conflicting standards in cable modems," Jobs explained, "so we came up with our own. This will result in a fantastically fast connection as soon as Apple becomes your cable TV service."

And this isn’t the only connection that the oyMac offers. Apple’s new PC-buster comes with three revolutionary Universal Serial Omnipotent Bus (USOB) ports, in which you can plug in printers, scanners, telephones, hair dryers, and portable vacuum cleaners. The USOB standard has several important advantages over older port technologies, not the least of which is its new name.

Cynical observers may notice that the oyMac lacks any other type of port. No parallel, serial, SCSI, USB, or Tawny, making it impossible, for instance, to use the oyMac with any but the latest printers. Of course, as Jobs would be the first to admit, the oyMac isn’t really about printing. It’s about the Internet. "If you feel the urge to put something down on paper," Jobs points out, "you’re stuck in the ‘80s. Maybe even the ‘70’s. Well, at least the early ‘90’s."

Billboard Interface
Apple is releasing the oyMac with the largest ad campaign in the company’s history. Few people in the western world have missed the ubiquitous billboards with photos from the Rocky Horror Picture Show that suggest we "Think Deviantly."

But in the end it’s the oyMac itself, not the ads, that will determine Apple’s future. Early reactions have been decidedly mixed. "There may be some people who don’t like it," Jobs admits, "but most of them are working for Microsoft.

"I’d like to emphasize that I am willing to look at and consider any constructive criticism. If you’ve bought an oyMac and have any suggestions for future models, just write them up in a MacWord file, and send it to me on a floppy."

The OyMac proves that Apple can still innovate. It’s not only created a Mac that can be sold at a price that’s almost competitive, but they’ve put a computer in a Plexiglas box. And that’s gotta be worth something.

Note to any Mac users amongst my readers: Yes, I know: I’ m horrible, evil, ignorant, and obviously in the pay of Microsoft. What else could explain the wonderful things I say about Windows in column after column?

But, in order not to alienate a shrinking portion of my readership, I have created a condensed version of this article for the more properly indoctrinated:

If that’s not enough to make you happy, just send your hate-mail to lincoln@dnai.com.

© Copyright 1998 by Lincoln Spector

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