Gigglebytes

by Lincoln Spector

June 29, 1999

Why To Kay

2000 bad solutions to the year 2000

What’s really going to happen next New Year’s Eve when our computers confront a new century? It’s difficult to say, but the possibilities include power outages across the world, a complete breakdown of communications and transportation, and accidentally-launched nuclear missiles. Unless, of course, you fix your PC’s Y2K problem.

Here are some of the best tools available to make sure your PC, software, and data are ready for the big rollover. Use these programs wisely and your company will survive into the next millennium. Fail to use them, and you might bring down civilization as we know it.

G-Wiz UltraFast Y2K BIOS Tester
Is your PC’s hardware ready for the year 2000? This free test is guaranteed to tell you that it’s not. Just download the Tester from G-Wiz’s Web site, install it from Windows, pop a floppy in A:, click the easy EASY BUTTON button, wait while it prepares your test floppy, then read the 28 pages of online documentation. When you’re done, reboot and let the blazingly-fast test (the secret of UltraFast’s performance? It doesn’t actually look at your system) tell you that your PC will blow up on January 1st. But don’t panic. UltraFast comes with an easy-to-fill-out form for buying the $99.99 G-Wiz UltraCost Y2K BIOS Fixer board.

Batting 2000
And what about your applications? Y-O-Y Software offers this marvelous scanner that tells you which of your programs need updating. Y-O-Y’s secret is its extensive Database of Application Management, that holds compliance information on every known piece of software. For instance, the DAM listing for Batting 2000 states that "This program is Y2K compliant with minor issues. If run on the wrong date, it could erase your BIOS."

Knot This Millennium
Knot Great Software offers a simpler, more direct way to identify any applications that may not be Y2K compliant: It lists every .exe file on your hard drive. It’s then an easy matter to manually test each one, or to simply avoid the problem by deleting all of them.

2000-It!
You know if your spreadsheets, databases, and accounting programs are Y2K compliant. But what about your file viewers, paint programs, and calculators? After all, if a program doesn’t use dates, it’s much harder to tell if the dates it’s not using are correct. Toss-It! Software offers this unique tool to help you find problems hidden by their own irrelevancy.

Date For New Year’s Eve
Even if your hardware and software are compliant, there may be dangers lurking in your data. That’s why Fast Loose Software’s Date For New Year’s Eve searches every file on your hard drive for potential problems. Simply start the scanning process and a scant 12 days later you’ll return to a full report of every possible problem. For instance, Date For New Year’s Eve will point out dates with two-digit years, paragraphs will suspicious text like "Have you ever listened to The 2000-Year Old Man?" and formulas that attempt to subtract a date field’s year from the metric weight of an ox.

Number Two
Here’s a program that scans your hard drive looking for two-digit numbers that just might be years. When it finds one, it corrects it by adding a 19 or 20 to it. For instance, if it finds the number 98 in a weight chart, it automatically alters it to 1998. If it finds a 19 and a 98, it alters them to 2019 and 1998, giving you a compliant 20191998.

Terminator 2000
Every time you enter new data, there’s a potential for Y2K problems. Rambo Intelligence offers a solution with Terminator 2000, a program that sits in the background, monitoring your data entry to make sure you don’t enter any two-digit years. As soon as you type the second digit into a year field (for instance, a 1 followed by a 9), Terminator 2000 sends a bright white light through your monitor while playing a loud shriek on your speakers. Meanwhile, e-mail goes out to all of your co-workers informing them not to trust your data.

Y2K DateCheck Super Ultimate Solution Professional—Special Edition
This may be the only program you need to solve your Y2K problem. Y2K DateCheck Super Ultimate Solution Professional—Special Edition keeps you informed of the most important issue of all: How many days do you have left before the new year strikes? With this simple tool from Cashencarry Software installed, every click of your mouse brings up a reminder that there are only so many dates left in 1999. NOTE: This review is based on a pre-release beta copy of Y2K DateCheck Super Ultimate Solution Professional—Special Edition. The finished product is not expected to ship before February 12, 2000.

2000 Smakaroos
What about your network? MIS-Take Professional offers this full-service solution to help your IS team check out the works. Just install 2000 Smakaroos on your network, enter a full description of every attached computer, peripheral, and file, then set the program up to run full diagnostics by writing a Smakaroo-compatible assembly-language routine.

© Copyright 1999 by Lincoln Spector

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